Sanjeev @ Kath and Kim

Part 1
FADE IN:

1 EXT. KATH AND KIM HOUSE – DAY
SANJEEV, the British-Indian host of The Kumars at No.42 and the first of Kim’s three guests for today’s show, adjusts his ‘Hare Rama Hare Krishna’-imprinted tie and smoothes his bright orange coat before pressing the doorbell.
His indulgent self-appraisal is interrupted by a swivelling newspaper delivered by a speeding van hitting his backside.

SANJEEV
(to himself)
Don’t the kangaroos have arses or what?
He bends, picks the paper up, and presses the doorbell. While waiting for the door to be opened, he admires the newspaper’s front page picture of semi-clad, sun-baking men and women at St. Kilda beach.
SANJEEV
(running his fingers through his hair)
May be it was a she-kangaroo!

2 INT. KATH AND KIM LOUNGE ROOM – DAY
KATH, dressed in a knee-length lacy white dress and a big hat is lighting a cigarette and pacing the lounge room.
KATH
(facing the stairs)
Kim, Kim, Kimmy! Will you hurry up please?
These British people are very punctuational.
KIM, wearing a short printed Indian skirt, a midriff-baring singlet, and a dot on her forehead is catwalking down the stairs.
Her husband, BRETT, is holding the ends of the long Indian scarf draped around her neck, and following her.
KIM
(with her head held high)
How do I look?
KATH
(pointing to Kim’s skirt)
Oh Kimmy! What in Fountain Lakes are you wearing?
BRETT
(letting go of the scarf and despondently sitting on the stairs)
All I know is it cost me a fortune.
KIM
(moving to the kitchen and opening a pack of tandoori-flavoured chips)
Oh shup up Brett! I am becoming a talk show host from a talk show wife.
You should be thankful.
SHARON, Kim’s ‘second best friend’ enters the scene.
SHARON
Stop eating those chips, they are for the guest.
Do you have a fancy dress theme for your show, Kim?
KIM
(giving up the chips and reaching for a pack of tim-tams)
It’s not a fancy dress, it’s the in-thing.
Oh Sharon! You don’t know anything about fashion.
Even Liz Hurley was wearing an Indian skirt at the Oscars.
KATH
But wasn’t hers longer?
KIM
Oh yeah! I cut it in half, so all those fat women can see my beautiful legs on TV.
KATH
I think they’ve seen enough, Kimmy. But wait, I don’t get it.
Why an Indian skirt?
KIM
Mum, you don’t do your google, do you? Sanjeev is half-Indian.
KATH
(adjusting her hat)
I thought he was from the Queen’s country.
SHARON
Kim, Mrs Day, he’s not half-Indian or half-British.
He’s an Indian brought up in Britain.
KATH
Oh I see! Just like we are Australians brought up in Fountain Lakes.
Sharon, you’re a genius.
SHARON
(blushing)
Thanks Mrs Day.

FADE OUT